Your Horoscope Your Birthday Today Lady Luck will be on your side this week. Unfortunately for you, Lady Skill, Lady Experience, and Lady Applied Probability Theory won't.
Aries March 21 - April 19 Coughing up blood is usually a sign of serious illness, but in your case it just means you're drinking it too fast.
Taurus April 20 - May 20 It's difficult to imagine what life would be like without your family, which is why you'll resort to a series of detailed sketches, diagrams, and plans.
Gemini May 21 - June 21 Earth and water magicks are strong in Gemini this week. Prepare to lose everything you own in a devastating mudslide.
Cancer June 22 - July 22 You'll soon be transformed into a half-man, half-wolf monstrosity—bringing you one step closer to becoming a full-fledged human.
Leo July 23 - August 22 A wise man once said, "To err is human; to forgive divine." But it's the fact that he charged for the advice that made him shrewd.
Virgo August 23 - September 22 You'll lose your childlike innocence this Thursday, and, after pleading guilty to a number of charges, your adult-like innocence as well.
Libra September 23 - October 23 A healthy relationship is all about compromise, or at least that's what you'll agree to in order to get your partner off your back.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21 Your amusing hospital jig will make all the patients smile, but that's only because they'll realize that dying of cancer isn't the most dehumanizing thing on earth.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 The stars indicate that you can receive your personalized horoscope reading in Spanish by pressing 3 now.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Maturity is often linked with a greater sense of responsibility, but you'll have to settle for a thick outer skin and deep yellow color.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18 They can take away your house, and they can take away your car, but they'll never take away your dignity. Probably because it isn't worth very much.
Pisces February 19 - March 20 While you've always believed in life after death, it's the possibility of life before death you're beginning to wonder about.
