Group Of Popular Girls Reduces Nation To Tears

NEW YORK--A group of popular teenage girls viciously insulted the United States Tuesday, causing the populace to break down and cry following assertions that its 300 million citizens are stupid and fat and that everybody hates them.Ashley, Courtney, and Marisa find endless new ways to crush the fragile American populace.The elite clique, which consists of high school sophomores Ashley Powell, Courtney Hughes, and Marisa Reynolds, reportedly preyed on the nation's insecurities by mocking the way Americans were dressed and proclaiming that every U.S. resident was "a complete loser.""Those girls are so cruel," said Pittsburgh construction worker Joe Miller, wiping away tears from his eyes. "They made all these really mean comments about my weight and the way I smelled, and then one of them, I think it was Courtney, said that the color of my hard hat